Merry Christmas to everyone and to those who have sent special messages. So many messages I have received in the past week and I have felt badly because I haven’t been able to answer each message like I would have liked to but it’s way to hard emotionally to do so right now. The band-aid got kind of wet and started to peel away from the ‘ouch’. I know (for real) that there are other parents out there going through the same kind of emotional upheaval right now and it doesn’t seem to matter if it is Christmas #1 or Christmas #12.
So, if there is no immediate reply from me, it’s not that I am ignoring you. It’s that I am struggling with what to say and my emotions. As I might have mentioned before, this is the 4th Christmas with Amanda gone. It feels just like the first one with the deep sighs and sadness. I personally am not feeling that it gets easier with each year going by because the loss is still there. It’s not about forgetting or getting over it. It’s about missing someone you loved. Yes certainly, we have other family that we love and care about. And we don’t love them any less. There is just a hole and a crack in the heart –> and all the crazy glue, sticky tape, duct tape or whatever else you might want to try won’t mend that heart totally. Now I know how Humpty Dumpty felt.
My day with my family was good. I still miss Amanda being Santa Claus and handing out the presents. Or her squealing over the new Justin Bieber CD or the new colours of nail polish. Amanda always brought life and spirit into our days. So instead, the kitten has the spirit that Amanda possessed. Watching the kitten play with the paper and jump all over the plastic bags that made crunching noises. But .. the kitten (I found out today) also likes to eat raw bacon and lick the chip dip bowl. (I only turned around for a second.) And —> I only misplaced one present this year and it belonged to Charlee the terrier. I will find his present eventually somewhere in the house.
Donald arrived and I went into mother mode. Making sure he was fed healthy snacks before dinner. Okay – he liked the potato chips but I threw in some apples, grapes and bananas in there too. I literally was fascinated by the amount of food he could pack into his body. Before he left, he had a new duffle bag to use for all his things, new warm soft socks, a jacket, a hoody and clean Bouncy smelling clothes. We managed to find him a place to stay for the week also at a minimal cost.
My experiences this Christmas season have been phenomenal for #givingback. Some on my own and some with Amanda’s Legacy. These were some of the notables:
- $200 worth of food items for the Food Bank
- 100 snowflake cookies for a group of students who promote Random Acts of Caring at a middle school
- Support with the giveaways of toques, mittens and socks for the LookOut Centre in Surrey BC
- Finding a safe and warm place for Donald to stay for a week along with some food items and toiletries to help him get through the week until he gets his paycheque
If I could make one suggestion this Christmas Day, it would be to take some time to reflect on life in general – thinking about what you have and don’t have and what you want out of your life. Reality is that we are here on earth for a short time and if you could be remembered for one thing, what would it be. Sometimes all it takes is a ‘Hi – how are you?’ or ‘What can I do to help you?’
We all think of Amanda but we need to remember that all she really wanted was for someone to stop and ask how she was doing or to help make her bullies stop. I received a post on my You Tube wall that I am trying to find the source of. I will write about it in the next couple of weeks. Until then, all it takes is a CARING SMILE and a HELPING HAND.
#Kindness365 #KindnessCounts #here4u